


I'll Burn as I Pine Away

by Kimium



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Academy Era, Arguments, Brief mention of Felix's backstory, Cuddles, Getting Together, Hinted bisexual Sylvain, Jealousy, Kissing, M/M, Mention of Sylvain's flirting and dating habits, One Shot, Or at least a Sylvain that flirts with girls and guys, Pining, Very brief mention of canon typical injuries, Very briefly hinted to be Blue Lions/Azure Moon route, sylvix - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:20:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22647049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kimium/pseuds/Kimium
Summary: One shot."No one was truly important to Sylvain. No one was allowed inside his heart. No one could hold his affections and his love. Not the girls Sylvain flirted and slept with on a consistent basis. Not the men Sylvain pressed kisses to and whispered filthy nothings in their ears.Not even Felix. No matter how the ache burned and coiled deep within Felix’s heart.Sometimes, dreams were unobtainable and mere fantasies."Five separate times Felix's pining morphed and changed through his life and how he finally gets together with Sylvain.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 6
Kudos: 143
Collections: These Are Great But There's Not Enough For Their Own Catagory





	I'll Burn as I Pine Away

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!!!
> 
> This is my first 3H fic and I'm super excited to share it. I hope I wrote everyone well! I've finished my first route (Golden Deer) and I'm almost done my Blue Lions run. This fic doesn't have a lot of spoilers in it but if you don't know Felix's backstory there are some spoilers for that.
> 
> It's late here and honestly I should be in bed but I had to finish this. Maybe later I'll add more to this note.
> 
> As always feel free to leave kudos/comments. Those really make my day. Also, if you want you can check my tumblr out right [here](http://www.kimium.tumblr.com).

“I feel so terrible for running into you!” Sylvain’s voice, smooth, honeyed, and warm floated in the entrance hall. “Please, allow me to make it up to you.”

The girl giggled, as some of them were wont to do. Her giggle was flirty and light. Felix could see the blush on the poor, naïve girl’s face. “Oh, Lord Gautier. I didn’t see you there. It’s my fault as well.”

Sylvain laughed. Felix heard the tension behind it, like ropes being tightened to the point of breaking. “Lord Gautier is my father. I would love it if a beautiful woman such as yourself called me by my first name.”

“H-How inappropriate. My father would be so cross if I forgot my manners…” The girl protested but Felix could taste the coy flirting off her lips, a crass poison that burned his insides.

“Oh darling, I could help you forget more than just manners…”

Growling to himself, Felix turned to walk into the dining hall. There was no need to stand around and listen to Sylvain’s cheap, false words. However, despite his efforts Felix still heard another giggle from the girl.

Another giggle. Another day where Sylvain’s flirting was flung around like cheap candies at a fair. Like everyone Sylvain flirted with, in time (a short amount of time) she too would be thrown away, heart broken, and stomped upon by Sylvain. Sylvain who was warm, bright, and cheerful. Sylvain who was also angry, callous, and jaded. Sylvain who only lured people in close, trapping them with temptation and false affection but never allowing anyone to truly enter his heart. No one was truly important to Sylvain. No one was allowed inside his heart. No one could hold his affections and his love. Not the girls Sylvain flirted and slept with on a consistent basis. Not the men Sylvain pressed kisses to and whispered filthy nothings in their ears.

Not even Felix. No matter how the ache burned and coiled deep within Felix’s heart.

Sometimes, dreams were unobtainable and mere fantasies.

~

_Once, despite his father’s best efforts, Felix had witnessed one of the guards being carried to the healers. An arrow had been lodged in the guard’s side, just above his hips. The other two guards who had carried him in couldn’t get the arrow out without taking off his armour, threatening to dislodge the arrow and cause more damage but they had attempted to do something about the sword wound on the man’s arm. Torn fabric fluttered in the wind just short of the shoulder. The wound was bandaged hastily with some white cloth, the stray fabrics dancing in the pale moonlight. Later, when Felix began to learn some fundamentals in basic first aid, he learned the guards had most likely done their best with what little they had. Still, their efforts did nothing to hide the blood and wound from Felix as they rushed past him, his father half talking to the guards and half attempting to shove Felix back upstairs to his bedroom. In the moonlight that spilled from the doorway, Felix caught the sight of the injury. The once white cloth was soaked to the core, the blood dark in the moonlight, almost black. Blood dripped off the cloth, the saturation point filled, giving the blood no where else to go but downwards, staining everything it touched. Later, Felix learned the wound wasn’t as bad as it had appeared, that it was less of an issue with the injury and lack of bandages the men had to attempt to clot the wound._

_That was how the ache in Felix’s chest started. Soft, gentle, like the smallest nicks of a cut from paper or perhaps a stumble with a dinner knife. Or maybe a tingle, like the heat and burn of a candle. It weighed in Felix’s chest like the down pillows Sylvain liked to hoard in his bedroom. It pressed down on Felix like his blankets after he, Sylvain, Dimitri, and Ingrid made forts: tangled, wrinkled, and wrapped tightly around Felix’s heart, dulling his senses. The ache dripped down the blankets around Felix’s heart, burning his lungs and his mind. It was simply a case of less bandages to the ratio of blood being lost._

_Or so Felix attempted to tell himself as he watched Sylvain chat with a new stable girl, a cheery smile that later, as Felix grew older, knew was fake._

_The truth didn’t stop the ache or the dripping of blood._

~

With their professor in some sort of morning meeting, Felix went to the training grounds after breakfast. The smell of sand, sweat, wood, leather, and metal filled the air. It wrapped around Felix, comforting and predictable. After picking up a practice sword, Felix gave a few experimental swings before falling into his warm-up routine. His muscles sang the familiar motions, blood pumping in the promising way a good work out always gave him. Moving through his forms, Felix closed his eyes and allowed his body to work, his mind focusing on the actions.

Swing. Stab. Block. Turn. Swing. Stab. Block. Turn. Swing. Stab. Block. Turn. Swing. Sylvain…

Felix hissed and twirled the practice sword over his head and exhaled sharply. The familiar ache in his chest flared, burning hotly in his chest, as though Felix had swallowed the sun. Correction, he had. Sylvain was the sun, the warmth that burned inside Felix, consuming all that the flames touched, only leaving ashes and smoke in Felix’s mouth, the taste acidic. Exhaling, Felix was almost surprised that smoke didn’t billow from his lips, staining the air chanting “Sylvain is the cause of this. Sylvain is the one that’s burning away at my insides.”

“Pointless.” Felix snapped at himself, curling his fingers tighter around the practice sword’s handle.

His grip didn’t loosen through the entire training session, his knuckles white and hand shaking by the time Felix finished.

~

_Felix learned what pining was not from a romance novel, not from the fantasy tales Ingrid enjoyed, but from Glenn after he died._

_It rained the day of Glenn’s funeral, big fat drops from overcast, grey clouds that filled the sky with sorrow. On the ground below everything was muted, darkened by the water and by the sadness that consumed and curled around the estate. Felix hung in the back his clothing completely dark save for the signature blue of his family’s estate. As though the colour of his family and the responsibilities Felix carried meant something to the dead life they were sending away. As though in the coffin they were lowering into the family’s cemetery had Glenn inside, dressed in the same colours Felix was forced into that morning. Instead there was just his weapons and armour that people were sobbing over. Glenn wasn’t inside. Glenn wasn’t home. Glenn was never coming back. No matter what praises people sang, no matter what flowery speeches his father gave. Nothing was going to change this reality._

_Felix hated them for it. Hated the tears, hated the pity, hated that the moment the funeral was over there would be whispers. Whispers about how Rodrigue’s eldest son was dead and how the younger now had the title and the responsibilities that Glenn had been expected to carry._

_The moment the funeral was over, Felix left, walking back to the estate, slipping inside silently, and headed back to his room. Leave all the pity and sympathy and polite words to his father: Felix didn’t want their cheap offerings. Instead, what Felix wanted was his brother. He wanted to see his brother’s smile, his bright eyes as he spoke about training, and hear his warm voice as he corrected Felix’s stance._

_Crying was how Sylvain found Felix, the boisterous head of orange hair brightening the entire space, like a miniature sun come to warm everything in sight. It was also how Felix found himself scooped up into Sylvain’s arms, cradled against the other’s chest, hands in Felix’s hair. The callouses on Sylvain’s hands were different from Glenn’s— a lancer’s hands not a swordsman’s hands— but somehow that difference didn’t matter to Felix as he clung to Sylvain. Too weak to scold or pretend he wasn’t sad, Felix simply curled further into Sylvain, savouring the warmth his friend gave, the silence he offered. No flowery words or words laced with pity and sympathy. Just comfort. Felix and Sylvain both fell asleep later, Felix in Sylvain’s arms as Sylvain held him._

_The next day, after Sylvain had left, Felix went to bed and tossed around for an hour before exhaustion caught up to him. As his mind was pulled under all Felix could think about was how the bed, no matter how soft and warm, didn’t compare to being in Sylvain’s arms, the ghost sensation never leaving him._

_Felix’s heart ached gently, like a bruise being lightly pressed with fingers. The pain spread for a moment, vivid, but slowly dulled into nothing, only to flare up again. The cycle continued the ache never fully satisfied._

_He thought about Sylvain’s warmth for the next month, wishing he could feel it one more time._

~

Regular lectures continued in the afternoon. Felix sat where he always sat (right side, close enough to the board to see but not as enthusiastic as Annette and Ashe were, up at the front) with Sylvain at his side. Sylvain’s shirt was half unbuttoned (as usual) but at the angle Felix was at he could spot a mark along Sylvain’s collarbone. His heart twisted, squeezing tightly against Felix’s rib cage. Breath and muscles tightened and it took all of Felix’s will power to force a single exhale and inhale to his lungs. Deep in his mind an unwanted image popped up: Sylvain taking the girl from the morning somewhere. Perhaps around the monastery or perhaps into town. Maybe they ate lunch together or got tea. Sylvain obviously flirted with her enough to get her to kiss him. Felix could see Sylvain’s hands warmly against the unknown girl’s waist, dragging her to his broad chest, eyes twinkling like dying stars as he smoothly talked her into a kiss that morphed into something heavier. Maybe she initiated it or maybe Sylvain did. Felix didn’t know or care when all he could see was the girl’s lips on Sylvain’s collarbone… Lowly, Felix growled to himself.

“Something wrong?” Sylvain half whispered, his gaze thankfully still at the front (though whether or not that was Sylvain trying to be discrete or Sylvain trying to check Professor Byleth out was unknown).

Felix scoffed. “Focus.” His tone was sharp.

“Okay, okay…” Sylvain half sighed.

The rest of class was silent. Felix’s chest still ached, the burning sensation never leaving him. Felix didn’t look at Sylvain for the rest of the lecture. When the lecture ended Felix gathered his stuff and left, not stopping even when Sylvain called out to him.

~

_Felix didn’t label the emotion he felt for Sylvain as more than just simple childhood affection until he was fifteen._

_They were growing up, maturing, and responsibilities with their titles were heavy upon their shoulders. With rumours about Miklan and the Margrave potentially disowning him in the air, all suitors were considered for Sylvain. Suddenly noble girls from the area, no matter the title, were flocking to Sylvain, cooing at him, desperate for his time and affection. Letters and proposals were also sent to the Gautier estate, many of them set aside for “future evaluation” as Felix once heard the Margrave tell his father over a glass of wine when visiting._

_Whatever Sylvain was truly feeling, Felix wasn’t privy to, but he couldn’t help but notice one day._

_The details to the event were lost through time; Felix hadn’t cared to remember. Perhaps some stuffy gala or ball or one of those events where people gathered information by pretending to be sweet but scheming on the inside._

_What mattered was seeing Sylvain dancing with any girl that asked him, smiling his smile that didn’t reach his eyes, and flirting all through the night. What mattered was the shift in ache that Felix felt, the all-consuming fire changing shape. Longing lingered in the back of Felix’s mind as he watched Sylvain take the hand of a girl with long dark hair. Her back was to Felix so he couldn’t see her face, but he could see Sylvain’s. He could see the smile, the charm, and despite knowing it was a lie, Felix’s heart constricted, like green vines were slowly wrapping around his heart, jabbing their thorns into the fleshy bits. Turning his head, Felix occupied himself by grabbing a glass and pretending, as he sipped the cool bubbly drink, that he didn’t care. Pretending that the green vines that wrapped around his heart weren’t jealousy at Sylvain dancing with someone that wasn’t him. Pretending that he didn’t want to immediately go out onto the dance floor and have Sylvain all to himself._

~

Small chores were given to the students, rotating each week. It was due to this that Felix found himself in the market out by the front of the monastery, a list in his hands. Most of the items were simple items, such as concoctions or seals for upcoming exams. A few of the items were more errands than items. It was how Felix found himself in front of the blacksmith’s forgery, rattling off the Professor’s list of the weapons needing repairs, placing an advanced order. As one of the smith’s apprentices wrote down the order, Felix’s eyes glanced around the forgery, appreciating the weapons displayed. As Felix’s eyes travelled around from the swords to the axes, his eyes caught the crowd outside the forgery and caught with Sylvain’s. Freezing in place, Felix could only watch as Sylvain moved through the crowd towards him.

“Felix!” Sylvain’s voice was as warm as ever. “Fancy finding you in here.” Sylvain laughed warm, genuine, as he slung an arm around Felix’s shoulders. “Off doing an errand for our dear Professor?”

Sylvain’s body heat radiated off and soaked immediately into Felix’s skin despite the layers of the school’s uniform. Immediately Felix was over saturated from the heat, his body being consumed. Fear danced into Felix’s throat, something internally screaming at him that if he allowed Sylvain close, he’d figure out what Felix felt. Dislodging Sylvain’s arm with a violent shrug, Felix shot the coldest glare he could manage (even with Sylvain’s heat flowing through his entire body). Sylvain stepped back and raised both hands in mock surrender, his smile never leaving his face.

“No need to be so prickly, Felix. No wonder you never have any girls around you.”

Girls. As if Felix needed to be reminded of Sylvain’s terrible habits and the ache that burned inside of him. “I’ve told you already, I’m not interested in something so frivolous.” Turning his attention back to the apprentice, Felix spoke, his tone sharp. “Are you done with that order?”

The poor apprentice jumped. “Yes, sir! It’s complete. Here’s a copy of the order.” He handed Felix the paper.

Folding it Felix tried to softened his glare at the boy. Not his fault Sylvain was being… Sylvain. “Thanks.”

Walking away, Felix was only a few paces when Sylvain bounded beside Felix. “Wait, wait, you’re going too fast.” As if Sylvain’s legs couldn’t keep up. The man was growing and was already taller than Felix. “There was no need to talk to the boy like that.”

Felix managed to shoot a glare at Sylvain. “There’s also no need for you to criticize me or follow me around. Get lost.”

“Touchy, touchy.” Sylvain let out a low whistle that did (not) make Felix’s heart jump. “I’m just enjoying the market like you are.”

“Then enjoy it without me. I’m done here.” Felix snapped.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Sylvain reached out and touched Felix, curling his fingers around Felix’s wrist.

The heat. The warmth. Felix’s heart stopped before he strongly considered employing some of the hand to hand techniques Professor Byleth taught him. “Let me go.”

“Come on, don’t be like that.” Sylvain half whined. “We’ve barely hung out with each other. Stay with me? There is this café that opened…”

“I hate sweets.” Felix said and hated immediately how half-hearted it sounded. “Don’t you have some girl to pester?” Like the one from the morning, the one who had left the mark on Sylvain’s collarbone.

“They have Almyran Pine.” Sylvain offered, using one of Felix’s favourites as bait. “And I thought this could be the two of us hanging out? Unless you wanted a girl with us? I can arrange that?”

The smart, rational part of Felix’s brain told him to break out of Sylvain’s hold, report to Professor Byleth, and then go train. Except the emotional part of Felix’s brain took over.

“No,” Felix found himself saying before he could stop his mouth. “If you’re going to be with me then commit to that.”

“Aw, so Felix does want to spend time with me.” Sylvain half cooed. “Come on, Fe, let’s go.”

The use of his childhood nickname only made the ache worse. Felix could only half nod and allow Sylvain to drag him down the street and to the café. Inside it was clean, quiet, and open. Felix half relaxed as Sylvain guided them to a table by the window with plenty of natural light streaming from the open blinds. A waiter came by and after giving them menus and allowing them to order (just tea for Felix but Sylvain also ordered some dessert that Felix didn’t know). When their orders came, Felix poured his tea and watched Sylvain dig into his dessert. It was in a tall glass with granola, ice cream, and fruit. Luxuries that proved this café was more upscale than it appeared to be. Felix sipped his tea.

“Try some?” Sylvain asked a moment later, holding the spoon out to Felix, some of the dessert on it.

Felix wrinkled his nose. “First off, that was in your mouth. Next, I don’t like sweets and you know it.”

“First, this wasn’t in my mouth. I’m offering you the first bite like a gentleman.” Sylvain countered. “Next, this isn’t sweet. It’s called a parfait. I specifically ordered one that wasn’t sugary.” He pushed the spoon closer to Felix’s mouth. “Come on, Fe…”

“Ice cream is sugary.” Felix said, turning his head so the spoon wasn’t against his lips.

“It’s vanilla so it cannot be that sweet.” Sylvain didn’t give up. “Please, Fe?”

Felix glared, his heart pounding. “I don’t want it. Save this move for when you take a girl here later.”

Sylvain’s spoon faltered for a moment and for a second, Felix thought that he had successfully deterred Sylvain. Then, Sylvain spoke, his voice soft, steady. “I don’t offer my desserts to the girls.”

The tone and admission blind sided Felix. His mouth opened and Sylvain took the opportunity to shove the spoon into Felix’s mouth, holding it until Felix took the bite. Scowling, Felix tired to ignore the beating of his heart, the twisting and coiling as Sylvain’s words echoed in his mind.

He didn’t offer his desserts to the girls.

He offered it to Felix.

The ache burned hotter. Felix swallowed. The granola balanced out the sweet ice cream and the bit of fruit that was there was mild.

“Well?” Sylvain asked.

“It’s passible.” Felix muttered, grabbing his tea, sipping it.

Sylvain laughed and dipped his spoon into the parfait and took a bite. “It’s delicious.” Sylvain proclaimed before he took another spoonful. “Are you certain you don’t want more?”

“Eat your damn dessert.” Felix snapped, ignoring the traitorous part of his brain that screamed “The spoon was in your mouth too.”

~

_Felix didn’t label the emotion he felt for Sylvain as love until he was sixteen._

_They had been sparring when Sylvain had slipped on something, causing both of them to tumble into the grass. The heat of summer was high in the air but that heat paled to the heat from Sylvain that spread all down Felix’s front. Their bodies were pressed together and Sylvain’s lips dangerously close to Felix’s. Caged between Sylvain’s arms, Felix, for a moment, thought of those silly romance books Ingrid enjoyed and the cliché of the couple tripping into one another. On paper it was silly, overused, but as Felix lay in the grass, looking up at Sylvain, caged and pinned under him, their lips almost touching, the cliché suddenly wasn’t horrible. It allowed Felix a small moment of fantasy, where Sylvain leaned in and kissed him, kissed Felix like he meant it, like Felix was the only one in his life. Not those girls who threw themselves at him or the proposals that continued to pile up._

_Then, the illusion shattered when Sylvain got up and apologized, holding out his hand for Felix to take, to sit up, to continue their spar. Because clearly, the ache in Felix’s chest was only his ache, only his desire. Felix’s affection burned hotter and from the fires something new was forged._

_Love._

_Felix wanted to throw it away and keep it at the same time._

_Later that evening Felix lay in bed and carefully buried the emotion inside his heart, neither throwing it away or keeping it. Perhaps, if left unattended, it would rot away._

_It didn’t do that. Instead, it grew._

_~_

When they finished tea, Sylvain and Felix walked back to the monastery. The taste of Sylvain’s dessert lingered on Felix’s tongue. No matter how many cups of tea he had drunk. Sylvain’s arm was once again wrapped around Felix’s shoulders, warm and heavy. Dislodging Sylvain would be a pain and the traitorous leap in Felix’s heart didn’t allow him to do anything but let it happen. Tomorrow Felix would rebuild his walls and shove Sylvain away, keep him at a distance.

“That was fun.” Sylvain beamed. “Let’s do tea together more often. I hear that they’re bringing some more tea in later this week. We should check the market, buy some to have together.”

Together. As in alone, just the two of them. Why else did someone buy loose tea if not to use the multiple student kitchens to make tea? Would Felix even be able to survive drinking tea with Sylvain alone? Foolish. Felix didn’t even attempt to pursue the thought further. Instead, he mutely shrugged.

“Then it’s settled!” Sylvain wasn’t stopping. “We’ll buy some tea and then…”

“Oh, Sylvain!” A girl’s voice rang from the crowd. “Fancy finding you here. Are you on the way back to the monastery?”

Felix froze. It was, of course, a girl. Not the same one from the morning, but was that surprising? Sylvain stopped and for a brief moment Felix thought he’d ignore the girl, favour staying with Felix, at Felix’s side.

That didn’t happen. Of course.

“Sorry, Fe, I’ll talk to you later.” Sylvain pitched his voice low, his arm falling from Felix’s shoulder.

“Whatever.” Felix bit out. “Go have fun with yet another pointless girl.”

He didn’t wait for Sylvain’s response. Felix left, ignoring how his heart crumbled in his chest. Soft. He was going soft. Growling, Felix glanced up at the monastery. He’d report to Professor Byleth and then train. Hitting something repeatedly with a sword would help.

It didn’t.

~

_Love grew in Felix’s chest, burning hotly and growing rapidly. There had been no stopping it. Nothing could kill the love. No matter how hard Felix attempted, no matter how many times he doused water on the flames, no matter how many times he attempted to neglect it, the love for Sylvain didn’t fade. Instead it was nurtured with each smile Sylvain gave Felix, each time they sparred, each time they talked and were simply together. It was impossible to stop. Especially when they were going to go to Garreg Mach soon and be in the same class._

_So, Felix had to come to a decision and a quick one. If love was in his chest, so be it. He could allow it to grow during the day and burn hotter each Sylvain added fuel to it. Felix could allow his heart to become a raging inferno of love for Sylvain. Sooner or later Felix himself would burn up, but that was fine. As long as Sylvain never discovered it, never caught hint of something as small as the smoke._

_This was fine. Felix could do it._

~

With aching arms, more so than usual, Felix all but forgone dinner, opting to slip in the back, grab something small, and eat it on his way to his dorm. The afternoon blurred and ran in his mind on a constant loop. What if that girl hadn’t called Sylvain away? What if Sylvain didn’t go with her? What if Felix had been strong enough to ask Sylvain to stay? What ifs. What ifs. What ifs. There was no point in allowing the thoughts to swirl in his brain. No one could turn back time. If he could then maybe…

Cutting the thoughts off, Felix stormed upstairs towards his room. The dorms were quiet, most people still at dinner or doing other things. Privacy was all but guaranteed for Felix. Until he reached the top and spotted Sylvain standing outside his door. Their eyes caught and it was too late to pretend to not see Sylvain and race down the stairs. The only options were to either stand still at the end of the hallway (ridiculous) or go to his room. His legs protested and arms protested the first option. Sucking it up, Felix walked down the hall to his room, shooting a glare at Sylvain.

“Did you need something?”

“Felix!” Sylvain bit his lip. “I… um… shoot I didn’t expect you to be here so soon.” Sylvain rubbed his hair.

“What does that mean?” Felix glared. Was Sylvain perhaps waiting for that girl to… come up to the dorms? Felix’s stomach instantly wrapped around itself and Felix regretted eating. “Never mind. Just let me into my room.”

“No, wait. I don’t mean…” Sylvain sighed roughly. “Look, you’re upset. I can tell.”

“What makes you think that?” Felix coldly asked.

Sylvain flinched but sucked in a breath. “Okay. I deserved that one. I came here to apologize to you. I basically ditched you this afternoon.”

Felix didn’t allow a glimmer of hope to fill his chest. Sylvain was just apologizing because he left Felix. He certainly wasn’t apologizing for any of the other crap he pulled. “You did. Is that all you want to say? I’m tired.”

Attempting to shove past Sylvain was a poor idea. Sylvain immediately launched an arm out and grabbed Felix around the waist. The touch burned. Felix inhaled sharply and then stepped back.

“I’m trying to go into my room. Move, Sylvain.”

Sylvain’s eyes widened before they set, determined. “I’m sorry Felix. Next time… shit I don’t know. Next time you can join us or something?”

Join them. Felix’s blood boiled and he shot his darkest glare. “I don’t know where you keep getting this idea that I want to join you with girls around. I don’t want anything to do with the girls you consistently surround yourself with. There is not a single desire within me to even spend a minute of my time with girls like those. So next time hide your girl flaunting away from me and don’t be so obvious to when you’re going with those girls to just fuck around with them.”

His voice echoed down the hall and it took Felix back a moment, surprised at the volume of his voice. Sylvain stared at him and Felix took it as a sign that their conversation was over. Instead, Sylvain’s arms tightened around the door and he further blocked Felix in. His gaze soft, almost too open as something flitted behind Sylvain’s gaze.

“Felix…”

Felix steeled himself for whatever Sylvain was about to say. Perhaps he was going to go on about how wonderful girls are. Or perhaps Sylvain would ask if Felix preferred guys.

“…are you jealous of the girls?”

Sylvain’s words blind sided Felix. He whipped his head up at Sylvain, eyes widening, the mask of indifference and anger falling from his face for a second too long. Sylvain’s mouth opened for he hastily opened Felix’s dorm door, grabbed Felix, and all but shoved him inside. Felix stumbled in and shot the darkest of glares, attempting composure. But all Felix could feel was the beating of his heart, the heat of his darkest secret, the smoke that seeped from his lips…

“You are.” Sylvain muttered, his hand touching Felix’s face gently. “You really are jealous.” He marveled. “Jealous…”

The word twisted a knife into Felix’s chest. He hissed and shoved all the aching and flames down inside, focusing on the issue at hand. Sylvain knew. Sylvain knew. Felix had to build his walls back up… had to shove Sylvain away… anything to regain control.

“It doesn’t matter. “Felix crisply said. “My feelings don’t change anything. Just forget about it and go. I won’t make things awkward between us and I can forget this conversation is happening.”

“Forget…” Sylvain’s eyes widened and he grabbed Felix by the arms, both hands latching onto Felix, “No! You can’t. Felix you…” Sylvain took a large step and forced Felix back until he was against the door. “Felix, how long? How long have you felt this way?”

“I…” Felix closed his eyes. “Does it matter? Just go.”

“Felix!” Sylvain’s voice came out desperate, soft. “Come on, look at me, Fe and answer me.”

“I said… it doesn’t matter. Go.” Felix insisted, the ache burning, twisting, consuming… “It’s clear you don’t feel the same way and that’s fine—”

“Who said I didn’t feel the same way?” Sylvain cut Felix off.

Silence. Felix’s words died. He opened his eyes. Sylvain’s cheeks were pink, his composure that normally was around girls gone. Replaced was desperation, something that wiggled hotly behind Sylvain’s eyes. Felix stared and then brokenly laughed.

“You’re kidding me. You’re just saying that. I’m not going to be another broken heart you leave behind, Sylvain. Get out of my room and don’t ever bring this up again.”

“I’m not!” Sylvain pressed. “Look, just… listen to me, okay? I’d never do that to you. I care about our friendship too much.”

“Care about it enough to leave me today?” Felix challenged. “Or cared about it enough to keep flirting and sleeping with any girl or guy that looks your way? You never have. Don’t lie to me thinking it will soften the blow because it won’t—”

“Glenn’s funeral!” Sylvain suddenly burst out, cutting Felix off. He then continued before Felix could pick up. “I don’t go around holding people all night like that Felix. I left the funeral to find you. I didn’t care about the girls that were there or what my father would say. I went to find you. I held you and, in that moment, as you feel asleep in my arms, I realised I wanted to keep you. But… oh shit…” Sylvian half laughed. “I’m going to sound so pathetic but I was scared. I was scared you’d reject me. Scared about what my father would say.”

“You…” Felix stared at Sylvain. The anger, the ache. It hadn’t left but Felix couldn’t muster the energy to bring it up in the wake of Sylvain’s confession. “You mean that?”

“Yes! Yes, Felix, I do.” Sylvain’s tone was half relieved.

“Yet you kept going after anyone who looked your direction.”

“I…” Sylvain’s tone deflated. “I know. I hurt you. Am still hurting you.” Sylvain corrected.

Felix bit his lip. Pushing Sylvain away was the best option. With their current status and responsibilities being with Sylvain would be problematic. Not that the Kingdom wasn’t open to relationships just their parents and their traditional views…

But, the sincerity, the ache that replaced the fire inside of Felix. The ache that said “You can be selfish. Sylvain is honest. You’ve loved him for forever” over took Felix. Grabbing Sylvain tightly, Felix looked up at Sylvain.

“You did hurt me. I’m not sure how I feel about that even now.”

“Felix…”

“But… I don’t know how I’ll feel in a month or two of us being together.” Felix continued.

“Yes, yes I…” Sylvain stopped. “Wait. Us… together? Months? As in plural?” Sylvain stared.

Felix cracked a smile. “What? Did I tongue tie Mr. Silver tongue? I’m saying you can make this up to me as we’re dating. I mean if you want…”

Sylvain pulled Felix closer. “Fe… Fe… I want you. Please, allow me to make up for all the hurt. Tell me how to do that. I’ll do it until you never have a doubt that I love you.”

“Then, start by kissing me.” Felix demanded. “I’m already pressed against the door. Make this count.”

Sylvain stared.

“I won’t repeat myself.” Felix pressed.

Sylvian didn’t waste any time. He leaned in and kissed Felix. Their kiss was wild, years of pent up energy going into their kiss. Tongues curled, sparks flew, and hands curled tight. Felix was all but shoved against the door and when they parted his breath was stolen. Inside the fire had changed once again. This time, instead of burning, it heated and warmed Felix, demanding more.

“Kiss me again.” Felix whispered.

“Oh, goddess Fe… as many times as you want me to.” Sylvain gasped out before he kissed Felix again.

**Author's Note:**

> Glenn's funeral: As far as I remember Glenn's funeral isn't 100% detailed so I just made some stuff up about the day.
> 
> Almyran pine: Felix's favourite tea canonically.
> 
> Parfait: I just wanted a dessert that wasn't cookies or cake. Also I imagine ice cream is a thing in Fodlan because ice cream is great. However, I imagined it to be a delicacy. Lucky for the shops around the monastery, many nobles do attend so they have the support to buy such luxury items.
> 
> Spoon sharing: Look, I like my tropes and I will use them.
> 
> No one can turn back time: You sure, Felix?


End file.
